Dumb-Ass Bitch

So, today, the girlfriend of a (to remain unspecified) crew member took my talent, post make up, over to one of the set lights and remarked:

"Wow, you can't even see it."
[The Talent]"My beard growth?"
[The DAB]"No, the make up!"

Well, what did you think you fucking moron? That I don't know how to do my job? Or are you truly amazed?

Should I be pissed or should I be flattered?

Either way, your social skills are subpar, DAB. No wonder he talks to you like a child.

And I'm not even feeling exceptionally mean today. Or maybe I am, and I just have very little concept of what a bitch I truly am. I mean, I don't think I'm agressive, but people laugh at me (out loud, and with gusto) when I make that assertion. See, the cup half full person would have taken the DAB's comment as a compliment. The cup half empty person would take it as an insult.

Why do I take it as a threat? What does that say about me?

I believe it says that I think I'm a fraud. That's why.

Oh...you're one of THOSE

So, my morning has gotten off to an oh-so-fun start. After specifically asking my talent not to run his hands through his hair, he walks two feet from me, checks his visage in the window of the pass van, and proceeds to do just that.

"I think it would be a bit more messed up."

Really? You think? Never mind that both you and the director said he should have a "slick" look. Never mind that the script specifically mentions that your character is now "all cleaned up." Never mind that the director said your hair is too poofy. Go ahead, run your hands through it. Certainly a male model turned actor knows more than a department head. Who has done more movies than you, by the way. Bay-atch.

It's going to be one of those shoots. I can feel it. Trying to keep continuity is going to make me crazy. Why do actors think they get to have an opinion on everything? My character this, my character that. My character's going to put a foot up your ass...what's your opinion on that?

Tomorrow...I mean Today...I mean this Morning...

I have to be on set in 5.5 hours. That means I'll probably be getting 3.5 hours of sleep. Oh, it's going to be a F.U.N. day!!! Where F.U.N. stands for Fucking Unagreeably Nasty. And by that I refer to myself, dear readers. I'm going to be oh so F.U.N. tomorrow...I mean today...I mean in 3.5 hours when my alarm goes off.

But fear not, just because I have a new feature does not mean that you will be summarily abandoned as you were last time. No, I have learned my lesson and am commiting to blog every day of shooting. The insights gained will be boundless. Or maybe they will be tied up with ribbons. With little curliques at the ends. That are made with scissors. Yay.

Plus, this feature is much more low-key than the other. The bulk of it takes place in one location and I have three main characters who are all male. My main concern will be continuity, since the entire film takes place over one day. Gotta keep the hair from growing.

I just had a strange image of the Dunkin Donuts guy in my head (as in, "Time to make the Donuts"). Time to trim the sideburns.

Aaargh.

I'll add a pic from the end of the last shoot, just to make your day (and stroke my ego...nice ego...nice nice ego).

When a T-Bird is not a car...

Did you all know that there are wild turkey's in Manhattan? And, no I did not capitalize "wild turkey" therefore I am not making a pun on bars that supply Wild Turkey. I mean actual birds of the turkey-type. One day, while shooting Superheroes near the Staten Island Ferry, the 2nd Unit DP, Ben Wolf, showed me a picture he had taken, of a wild turkey, in Batter Park. We were both stunned and amazed, and I was inspired to do my version of a wild turkey in Manhattan. Thankfully, I'm pretty sure Ben didn't take any pictures of that. I hope.

But Ben did find out about the turkeys:

Q. As I walked through the newly restored Battery Park recently, I saw a wild turkey calmly pecking at the ground. Could it have flown in from New Jersey? Or does the park keep a pet turkey on the grounds?

A. You must have met Zelda. That's the Parks Department's name for the wild turkey occasionally seen at Battery Park.

There is a different turkey (or turkeys) seen in Riverside Park and on occasion even near Lincoln Center. In recent years turkeys have moved south into Manhattan from woodlands in the north. Asked about the Battery Park turkey, a department spokesman said: "It is making friends with its new neighbors. Zelda is perfectly harmless, healthy and able to fly quite well whenever she desires. It is unusual that she is alone; normally turkeys are found in large to very large flocks.

As for their more likely local roosts, wild turkey populations live in Van Cortlandt Park and Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx, Inwood Hill Park in Manhattan and the Greenbelt in Staten Island, according to the Parks Department. There is, by the way, no hunting them in the city.

Once plentiful, the wild turkey was almost extinct in southern New York State by the mid-19th century. But in the late 1940's, a few wandered into western New York from Pennsylvania, and beginning in 1959, conservationists trapped their descendants and released them around the state. By the 1980's, flocks were appearing in woodlands north of the city. They often roost in trees, and are known to be agile and cunning.

Happy Thanksgiving. Eat bird.

After those messages...

That's right, folks, I'm finally back. After a long hiatus (which, as far as I can tell, is different from a high anus, the latter also causing the t'aint to appear to have a more vast spread, at least on the male of the species), I have returned to spread joy, cheer, enlightenment, ennui and confusion to you, my merry foils. Today's spark of light hails from CNN.com:

Smoker tried to open airliner door

Now, I don't know about you, but that headline was IRRESISTIBLE to me. We learn further in the article:

[Defense lawyer] Shilton said Sellies has no memory of what happened on the flight and that she has a history of sleepwalking.

History of sleepwalking, eh? How does that apply here? One would think a history of sleepSMOKING may excuse the poor sedative and alcohol ridden woman. Perhaps sleepSKYDIVING could also be applied as a rationale. Sleepwalking? For amateurs, I tell you.

That's all for now, folks. I've missed you. Well, I've missed you missing me. Ah, heck, let me just go find a pool to stare at my own reflection in...