Friday, December 02, 2005

"Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."

Okay, I acknowledge that last night's post was a little self-pitying ("A little?!?" you scream). However, I do believe that there was a salient point to it, which is this.

I'm not getting any younger.

Which leads to the above title, a quote from Shawshank Redemption. Inside all my boo-hooing and self-loathing lies the central kernel of the actual problem: I'm not making anything happen. I'm not recording, I'm not writing, I'm not networking, I'm not jamming. I'm the one who's going around calling myself a "singer/songwriter" with nothing to back it up. No demo. No gigs. Just scribbled lyrics and music.

I mean, it's just plain embarrassing. I claim this is what I REALLY do, who I REALLY am. Make-up is just a day job, coordinating just a day job, a way to pay mama's rent.

But all I REALLY do consistently is complain and regret how much time is passing. And question when/if I'm ever going to get around to living the life I feel I was meant to. Or is life just going to be a series of day jobs, of treading water, of just getting by until one day I awaken, sit up in bed and wonder how I've become a total stranger to myself. If I even still remember who my self is at that point.

So, I know I better get busy livin'. I'm aware that this should happen.

Wanna take any bets on whether it will?

3 What'd you say?

Anonymous Brad said...

Right on, I know exactly what you mean. I think everybody feels that way, sometimes. That is when we're not treading water trying to stay afloat long enough to see what the hell it is we're looking for.


10:31 PM, December 02, 2005  
Blogger Nick said...

Even if you try and fail, you'll have done more than most ever think of doing. Just keep the chin up and say, I'm not fucking compromising who I am. Be yourself...Grab life by the balls and announce yourself to the world. You have them. If they say "no", at least you put it out there. I've been down that road so many times before. And besides...from your post last night.... I'm willing to bet this "other" person is a bit of an "Airhead".... It doesn't matter how "hot" she is, if she doesn't have a brain... fuckabuncha that.... You have a brain. You have a great body and beautiful eyes. You are the winner...hands down in my book...

Woman with a hot body..... $50
Woman with a hot body that can hold a conversation..... PRICELESS

Don't worry about that other woman...she's not part of the equation darlin. Get livin' because that other person doesn't even matter....

Hope that made sense...

11:30 PM, December 03, 2005  
Blogger Brenda said...

Just wanted to say thanks for the support. I know the worst thing I can do is play the "comparison" game (well, the only worse thing than that is the "blame" game). I think it may all be some sort of sick and twisted method of self-protection, i.e., if I find enough reasons to talk myself out of attempting my dreams then I won't and I'll never have to fail at them.

Which is butfuck assbackwards reasoning, yet pervasive throughout my life.

And you're right, Nick. She's not very bright. I think that's what pisses me off the most.

11:11 AM, December 05, 2005  

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